Maggie Smith, 32, walked back to her car in stunned silence.
The Alabamans had gotten dressed, put on makeup and gone to a restaurant to have dinner with someone they met on a dating app. They had been texting and talking for weeks, but this was their first official date. She had been looking forward to it.
However, that date lasted less than two minutes.
“I’m just not feeling it,” Smith remembers telling her, moments after they met outside the restaurant.
Smith felt crushed – and shared her experiences on TikTok, where her video racked up 11.6 million views and sparked strong reactions. Many commentators supported Smith. Others have been cruel. Some have discussed whether it is ever okay to end a date early and, if so, under what circumstances.
Overall, dating and relationship experts say Smith’s brief date and the waves made online bring up frustrations many feel about how superficial modern dating has become.
“So many of us have faced rejection, judgment or being mislabeled on a date — and it sucks,” says Amy Chan, a dating coach and author of “Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.” “There is something very painful about being judged superficially and not even given a chance as a human being. … She is not alone in her experience – unfortunately it is one of the harsh realities of dating.”
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Smith says that long before they met in person, she was candid about how she looks on her date. She had several full body photos on her dating app profile and told her date during their phone call that she was plus size. He said he was fine with that.
So when he rejected her on the spot and waited outside in front of a group of people, she felt humiliated.
“I literally went blank,” says Smith. “I almost walked past my car. I didn’t even recognize him. I was just really in a daze. … It’s not that I was heartbroken. I was just really embarrassed that I walked into this restaurant and this happened.”
Smith drove home in silence. When she arrived, she recorded a video of herself talking about the date and sent it to a friend. She decided to post it on TikTok too – and woke up the next morning shocked to find it had gained a lot of attention overnight.
Amid the varied reactions, Smith’s video has sparked debate about dating etiquette. Some argue that the man did the right thing by turning her down early in the date so as not to waste more time. Others say it was rude anyway.
Smith understands both sides, but thinks whatever he did and how he went about it was hurtful.
“It’s complicated,” she says. ‘Everyone also says, ‘Well, at least he didn’t waste your time. Would you rather he sit through the meal and tell you afterwards?’ I would have… It hurts much more that someone doesn’t even take the time to get to know me.’
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According to dating and relationship experts, Smith’s date’s tough attitude is common in the age of online dating. Thanks to the rise of dating apps, people have become accustomed to rejecting people immediately – usually based on snap judgments based on little information.
That mentality has carried over into the real world as well.
“Unfortunately, this is one of the consequences of online dating. It has turned the process of finding a romantic partner into something more like shopping,” says Chan. “People select and discard potential matches based on superficial traits, and with so many options available it becomes easy to dehumanize others, reducing them to mere objects rather than seeing them as unique people.”
Facing such a brutal rejection can have serious consequences.
“It can be very triggering, and it can be upsetting when someone treats you like that,” explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of “Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse.” She adds: “Unfortunately, this is the side of online dating that we really need to look at, which is that it encourages split-second decision making, which isn’t always fair.”
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Since her “shortest first date ever” went viral, Smith says she has deleted the dating apps. She is still looking for love, but wants to focus on meeting people in person so her sense of humor and personality can shine.
She also hopes her experience will remind people to treat the people you date with dignity.
“Preferences are not the enemy,” says Smith. “It’s never been that way. Everyone has preferences. There’s just a way to treat people when they don’t have your preference. Don’t match with them and then ask them out and then do this to them.”
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While it’s okay to walk away if your date makes you feel unsafe, Chan says that if the only problem is a lack of attraction, don’t quit early. At the very least, give them the time you agreed on, even if it’s just the duration of dinner or a quick coffee meeting.
“I think we’ve gone too far with the ‘no one has a right to my time’ mentality and our inflated sense of how busy and important we are, to the point where we’ve lost basic human decency,” Chan says. “There’s a real person standing in front of you, and you shouldn’t treat him like a disposable object just because you’re not immediately attracted to him.”
For Smith and others who have experienced similar bad dates, Chan says it’s normal to feel hurt, but don’t get discouraged.
“It only takes one,” says Chan. “Just because it didn’t work for one person doesn’t mean you have to stop creating opportunities for love in the future. You have to keep getting back up, and dating requires building resilience.”
