A woman who describes herself as a “boomer” and a queer “ally” has taken to the Internet to seek language advice.
She posted on Threads about a recent trip to a coffee shop. After receiving a recommendation from the barista, she thanked them by saying, “You da man.”
“Okay. Please be kind to me. I’m a Boomer and an ally, but I know I still have a lot to learn,” she said. “Today, when I ordered coffee, the barista helped me rework a drink so it sugar-free, dairy-free, and caffeine-free (or not fun, as my husband would say). Anyway, when they suggested a way to make that happen, I said, “You, man!” 🤦🏻♀️ I’m sure that alone made me feel older. Anyway, I followed with a sincere “thank you.” I’m not going to describe the person, I’m just saying I made an assumption.
“This is why I beat myself up,” she continued. “When I looked at the name tag they were wearing, the name was ‘Jyn,’ and there were also two small, round pins. One with she/them, and the other with she/her. I try to be thoughtful and conscious about pronoun use, so when I saw that I felt terrible. I’m not going to wallow in my regrets, and honestly, I don’t know if the pins were an explanation, or maybe just to raise awareness. Either way, I’ve learned that I’ll put that stupid old phrase to bed, and from now on, whenever I want to express that feeling, I’ll say, “You’re a wonderful person.”
Your internet debriefing
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“So, for those who have constructive input into this, what do you think? Again, please be gentle. I really want to meet people where they are, and give them the respect they deserve, even though I’m decades older. PS: Jyn was very friendly and not responsive at all.
Posted by @houseof9lives
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“Honestly beautiful”
Maybe because the OP posted it to Threads and not X, it quickly received over a hundred responses. The majority were positive and appreciative.
Many thanked her for her concern about the language and for doing the right thing.
“As a trans person, I would like to thank and congratulate you very much for being so open-minded and caring. Your commitment and ability to ask for honest guidance is truly wonderful. 💚” was a common response.
“Soooo, my daughter is in high school and says ‘oh girl’ to everyone, even cis men,” said another. ‘She even lets her older brother use it. Seems like poetic justice to me. I’m sure you were more worried about it than she was, but it’s so nice that you’re worried.”
Others suggested she wasn’t beating herself up and probably wasn’t causing offense.
“High schoolers call everyone bruh. As in “bro,” which is short for “brother.” They’re oblivious and we’re all partially annoyed and amused. I think “you’re a man” falls into this category. The sentiment is understood, that’s what matters here,” was another response.
“I appreciate you!”
Then came a lot of suggestions.
“As a non-binary queer you are doing great! Everyone has things to learn, but wanting to change and grow is so important. Everyone makes mistakes and the fact that you’re wondering how to improve it means it’s working. “You the bomb” or “You the best” can be a simple shift. I think doing our best to use neutral terms is always best for several reasons,” one person suggested.
“You the bomb” was a popular suggestion…. Unless you are at an airport or on an airplane. Context matters, folks!
Another person said: “I always reply with, ‘Thanks, friend! I appreciate you!’ I am the mother of a transgender child and this covers all the bases. And I think it’s ‘lucky’.”
“I’ve had the urge to say ‘you’re magical’ or ‘I appreciate you’ to make sure I’m inclusive in my responses! I’m wrong, but people get a kick out of ‘you’re magical’ so it’s just become a fun phrase to use,” someone else said.
Another boomer said, “I’m sure Jyn saw you meant no harm or shade! I’m also a Boomer and I say “You’re the bee’s knees,” which brings laughter and thoughtful faces. I will forever say ‘groovy’ and ‘you’re amazing’.”
Other suggestions included “You made my day” and “You are a legend.”
It was heartwarming to see that the poster contained so many warm and supportive messages: something she acknowledged in a follow-up topic.
“Gosh!! I never expected such a response to anything I had to say!! I’m always so determined to respond to every comment, but I think I’ve lost my place. With Threads it is not easy to manage a large number of replies. If anyone needs me, I will be here to respond to everyone!!”
Related
“Is it weird to say my pronouns when I introduce myself?” asked a transgender person on Reddit. “It’s just easier when it’s outside.”
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