I downloaded Mobile Balatro and immediately regretted it

21 October، 2024

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Balatro, the popular indie poker game released in February, quickly became an obsession for me. Applying roguelike elements to poker is an incredibly compelling prospect, and adding bosses with special restrictions and Jokers with bonus rules makes for a deeper experience than anyone could have expected. Nine months later, it’s still the best game I’ve played this year.

I had just weaned myself from the occasional lunch run when developer LocalThunk announced a crossover with The Witcher 3, Dave the Diver, Among Us, and Vampire Survivors. And sure enough, I got involved again. It’s an interesting phenomenon to see so many indie games (and semi-indie Dave the Diver) crossbreed to extend their lifespan and keep themselves in the minds of the public longer, but the Witcher in particular surprised me.

3:18

Y’all, what is this price? This would help me pay part of my rent.

Although CD Projekt Red is technically independent, it is a huge studio with offices around the world that churns out multi-million dollar triple-A titles. There is nothing to gain from a crossover with Balatro. However, that’s beside the point. This crossover got me back into poker ’em up, and I spent more hours of my life making combos, but this time my cards had Geralt’s face on them.

And now Balatro is mobile. It makes perfect sense. The game runs beautifully on mobile devices and the port is perfectly adapted for touchscreen control. Press and hold to remind yourself of card effects. Drag cards to combine them with Arcana. It feels natural. The problem is that I now have easier access to Balatro than ever before.

I played most of my PC Balatro on the Steam Deck. It’s a great device for just picking up and playing another run that turns into another two runs that turns into another three runs, but it’s a bit too bulky to carry anywhere. For on the couch, on the toilet or in bed? Perfect. Long trips? Great, as long as the battery lasts. Are you traveling by train? A little too big.

However, I take my phone everywhere. It’s always in my pocket and while I try not to scroll through social media too much, I always have music or audiobooks blaring through my headphones. And now I have Balatro.

Balatro two pairs with Witcher and Dave the Diver cards

I don’t want to tell you how many hours I’ve played Balatro on my phone since its release on the platform. To be honest, I couldn’t even count. Writing this article was difficult because I loaded up the game to take screenshots and played a few runs before getting back to writing.

I push two pairs and kick during this run. It’s going well.

Balatro just works so well. On my Honor Magic V3 I play unfolded and the screen feels even bigger (albeit squarer) than that of my Steam Deck. Additionally, the battery on these Honor devices is exemplary and lasts much longer than my deck; perfect for long trips.

It’s also a refreshing mobile experience. Even games like Tetris have microtransactions now, and I can’t play anything without waiting for the timers to reset or the counters to expire. The simplest games have monetization baked in, which makes the seven quid I paid for Balatro seem even more of a bargain.

But I’m afraid that the easy access to Balatro could ruin my life. Not in the sense that I’m going to waste all my money on it (I’ve been there before with FIFA Ultimate Team and Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Links), but that I’ll never play another game again. I’m looking forward to playing many more games before 2024, but why create my perfect character in Dragon Age: The Veilguard when I could be playing Balatro? Why try one of the new demos in Steam Next Fest when I could whip out my phone and try to unlock that last Joker?

Right now, not only am I afraid that Balatro will ruin my free time, I’m also afraid it will ruin my career. I worry that my daughter will view Jimbo as more of a father figure than I do. I don’t know how to escape this spiral of torment. I see Jimbo’s smile in my dreams, or are they nightmares? I know what to do. But before I throw my phone into the Mersey, I’ll play one last round. Last. Honestly.